News has trickled through by way of Ling's Hand Laundry, 624 Mulberry Street, this city, that the Mao Tse-Tung Peace Prize for Behavioral Engineering is to be awarded to Dr. Abner Sedgwick of the Metropolis Institute.

Dr. Sedgwick, a ten-time Nobel Prize Loser, earned his Ph.D. in 1938 with a masterful treatise on colloid chemistry, apparently unaware that Richard T. Zsigmondy had been awarded the Nobel Prize for this work in 1925. When informed of this, he is said to have become extremely bitter. "A scientist can't keep track of everything!" he is reported to have exclaimed. As is well known in scientific circles, he also has trouble starting his car.